A couple weeks ago I wrote about how to find the right trainer and the experience I had with a trainer who was incredibly rude. Since that experience I haven’t felt the same. I am still pushing myself and having amazing skinny moments like when my fiancé could actually put his arm around my waist for the first time… or when I had my dress fitting yesterday and they had to take in 3.5 inches on the dress. I am also still losing weight and eating clean. People tell me daily that I am looking thin, fit, toned… they are telling me my weight loss is inspiring. People are asking me to give them tips, share recipes, and create their work out plans. So why then do I feel like a cow? Why do I feel like I am 239lbs again? Not doing enough to lose the weight and not feeling as confident as I once was.
I think a big reason is because words hurt. Someone treated me poorly and made me feel like whatever I used to do, doesn’t matter because I now in my current state, 60lbs lighter need to be fixed. I know that this person doesn’t matter to my life and that he was an ignorant prick… but it’s amazing how one person’s view of your body can also change your own view of yourself. Part of his words wanted to make me push harder, to show him he doesn’t know a damn thing. But the other part of me is trying to tell me that I am pushing hard right now, and that I have come a long way and someone who treats another human being that way isn’t worth my time or concern. That I do look good, and I should think of myself as skinny. I will never have the “perfect body”. I just want to be the healthiest version of myself.
I am working on trying to feel confident again. I am trying to focus on the positives:
- I am now a size 8 in jeans (Can’t remember the last time that happened)
- I can no longer shop for clothes online as I have no idea of my size in clothes other than jeans and I don’t know how items are going to fit my new body
- They had to take 3.5 inches off my wedding dress due to how much weight I have lost in just 6 weeks
- I have dimples… who knew?
- I am told daily how great I look and how skinny I am looking
- My fiancé can put his arm around my waist
- My waist is tiny
It’s now a work in progress, changing my mindset back to being confident about my body and understanding how far I have come. I just don’t feel good about the way I look anymore and it’s really unfortunate that he was able to make me feel that way. Just remember to be kind to people, you don’t know what they are going through or where they have been. Understand that even though we would like to say that words don’t affect us, they do to a certain level. No one is perfect in life, love people for who they are and smile…. it can change someone’s day.