When you make the decision to lose weight and dedicate your life to fitness and health, no one tells you what an emotional experience it becomes. No one really talks about the changes that happen within you, they only talk about the physical change.
Obviously the physical change is awesome. You can see right before your eyes how healthy you are getting. But along this journey, it’s not only my body that has changed, I have changed. I no longer see life through a negative lens, I am more positive about everything, I appreciate the people around me more, and I am actually proud of myself. Proud that I hit it hard at the gym EVERYDAY, I say no to foods that I couldn’t stay away from, and proud that I can be naked in front of my fiancé.
Being overweight affects you emotionally, I held a lot of sadness inside about my size. I was disappointed in myself, thought I was ugly, and never wanted to be intimate with my fiancé. I lacked confidence and motivation and I NEVER focused on myself. I don’t think that people realize the struggle that others live with on a daily basis. I know that not every over weight person feels this way, and I know that there is more to a person than just physical attributes, but for me, it made me feel ugly inside and out.
Now being 50lbs down with 20lbs to go, I have been very emotional. I have cried on the stairmaster when I hit 6 miles, I have cried getting on the scale and hitting 190lbs, I have cried putting on a new wedding dress that hugs my new body and looks amazing… and I have cried over the amount of support I have from not only my loving finance, but my friends and family as well. It sounds overwhelming I know, but I view it as my body expelling all the bad mojo. The negative thoughts about myself, the lack of confidence and self-doubt, the mean stares and comments I would get, and the feeling that I didn’t deserve my fiancé. I am also crying over joy, being so happy I can’t believe that I am here, 50lbs lighter and feeling beautiful. The funny thing is… I am still 190lbs. So it’s not about the weight that is making me feel beautiful, it is about the dedication that I have put in to this healthy journey.
Just remember that it is not the size that matters, just don’t give up. Even if you are not at your goal weight or size, you have given effort into something positive. You are beautiful at any size!