Confession To My Followers

I have a confession to make to all of you….

I gave up. I have gained 20lbs.

Not that this is a an excuse but after my wedding I got injured and couldn’t work out for 2 months, I went off the pill as my husband and I are just seeing what happens, I had a miscarriage in December, though I didn’t know that I was pregnant, the holidays happened, my aunt died which warranted a trip to Iowa, my birthday was in the beginning of Jan and I had a trip to NYC. Through this time I ate OK, not 100% clean, I didn’t do portion control and I ate my feelings. Now I am 195lbs and feeling REALLY bad about myself.

I am feeling really bad because I can’t fit into my skinny clothes, I look like I just lost the weight for the wedding… which isn’t true, I went back on what I said that this is my new lifestyle and that I wasn’t going back, and lastly, I feel really bad because I feel like I have let all of you down. I worked really hard to show you that if I can do it, so can you and now, I have gained 20lbs.

I just don’t feel good about myself.

So what am I going to do?

I am going to stop whining and being sad about it and do something. I am going to start again by forgiving myself for the mistakes that I have made in the past 4 months. I am going to start with the weekly progress photos again and show you that even though I had a little bit of a hiccup, that I can get back to that weight.

Lastly, I am going to stop thinking that the reason that I had a miscarriage was because I did 6 miles on the stairmaster.

Now that my husband and I are trying to get pregnant, I realize that I might not make my goal of getting back to my wedding weight and then some. But my goal now is to try to lose 2lbs a week, work out at least 4 times a week, more if I can, and just get back to feeling good about my body.

I am going to go back to not really eating sugar except from my morning fruit, not going to be eating carbs other than vegetables or whole grains, I am going to strive to eat clean and rid my body of toxins. I am going to try and lose 2lbs a week. I am going to try to be strong again.

That is my new goal.



What 2000 Calories Really Looks Like

Every day we go through life being tempted by outside food. Whether it be in your office or at lunch/dinner with friends we have to make a choice. I know that when going out I think that what I am eating isn’t THAT bad… but when I read this article, I realized how gross eating out really is. This article proves my point even more that you don’t know what you are eating unless you make it at home. I highly recommend that you take a look at what you are eating the next time you are at the Cheese Cake Factory!!

You can read the article here.

Let’s Start Loving Our Bodies

I was sitting at my desk today, browsing all my healthy social media pages that I do every day, and an interesting article popped up. Let’s start loving our bodies:

I really like this article as I feel that we often focus on the wrong things. We focus on the fact that we are not a size 6 yet, or the fact that even though for the last month I have been killing myself at the gym, I am beating myself up about eating that one slice of pizza, or I still have some cellulite at the top of my legs. Weightless is so much more than the way you look. It’s about how you feel, if you are healthy, if you making this a life change and not just a temporary one.

The other part of the article I really like is the fact that you should be nice to yourself. I found myself at the gym this morning yelling in my head that I am fat, I am lazy and the reason that I am having a hard time is that I gave up. When in reality, I got injured and couldn’t go to the gym. I am having a hard time getting back to going to the gym every day/twice a day and eating perfectly all the time. Maybe I only spent 2 hours this week at the gym… but at least I am trying. I am trying to get back to where I was… so I didn’t give up. I have just hit a road bump.

Moral of the story is that we need to not be so hard on ourselves. We are human….. we will never be perfect.

Guest Blogger! – My Journey to Weight Loss

I was recently asked to be a guest blogger and to talk about how to simplify weight loss and being healthy. I happily obliged. Any way that I can try and help people along their journey by telling them about mine, I am up for it. I have been there and understand all of it, I have cried over it, lost sleep, been down on myself, fallen off the wagon… but on the flip side… I have been confident, proud of myself, love my new body and have been motivated. So I understand the journey.

I know that I have written about why I stared my journey in the first place and how I got to where I am today, but you can read my condensed blog post here:


Gloomy Days – Motivation?

I don’t know about you guys…. But I have a seriously hard time staying motivated when it is cold and gloomy out. All my body wants to do is curl up on the couch in comfy sweats with a cup of hot chocolate. My energy dips, I get tired faster, I just want to be comfy and warm. So how do I stay motivated? By telling myself I can sit on the couch after the work out… by getting up and doing my work out at 6am… and by remembering where I want to be in 6 months with my health.

It’s not the best answer. It’s not even a good answer. I wish I had an answer that made me feel better about the situation and really got me going. But really, I am lacking motivation during these types of days and it is really hard. Especially with the holidays, traveling and the weather not being great lately. I need to stay in routine of things and set my schedule weekly. I need to make sure that I am consistently eating clean, and not drinking alcohol, and I need to make sure that I document my food daily. Hold myself accountable for everything that I am doing both by way of exercise and nutrition. That’s the only way to stay successful, by staying consistent and focused.

I am definitely realizing that I am someone that will never have it easy when it comes to weight loss. Not that I think that it should be easy, nor do I want it to be easy. However, I would like there to be a point where it becomes second nature and I don’t have to think about it. Where I can get to a place where I am comfortable cheating every once in a while, or taking a few days off and not feeling like I will be automatically 10lbs heavier just by giving in for a few days. But that’s not really the way my body works. I am someone that needs consistency, and can’t cheat, because when I really cheat, I cheat for 4 meals in a row. Or if I take a few days off, I immediately become sluggish and it’s like starting over every single time.

How do you stay motivated during winter months? How do you feel about your journey? How did it become second nature for you?

Would love to hear from all of you readers!

What is your New Year’s Resolution?

Happy New Year’s Eve! I like to think that take a considerable amount of time to come up with my New Year’s resolutions. Making sure they are achievable, that I have time for them and really something that can make a difference in my life. But really resolutions are something that most ppl think of last minute, rush to make them, and rarely keep them past Jan 2nd.

I really want to make a REAL resolution this year. So here goes:

  • Health:
    • I would like to continue on this weight loss journey and to become as healthy as I can be. I found that with my recent set back that I am so much more confident and focused when I work out. I want to look good, I want to feel good and I want to be healthy. I am realistic and I know that I am not going to be great at it every day, but I am going to continue to try.
  • Relationships:
    • I want to be a better friend and wife. I am so lucky to have the people that I do in my life and I need to make an effort to show them more.
  • Career:
    • I want to be happy and feel accomplished in my career. Whether that means that I find a new job or work harder in the one that I have, I want to do more. So I want to figure out how I do that.

What’s your New Year’s Resolution?

Do You Remember Why You Started?

Do you remember why you started your journey? Do you remember why you decided that it was time to make a change in your life and lose weight?

I started after missing my period for two whole months. Not being pregnant, I decided that I should go to the doctor to see what was going on. After some blood work and a couple of different kinds of scans, the doctor told me that the reason was due to my weight. My estrogen levels were through the roof and that I needed to make a change. At this point, if my then boyfriend and I ever wanted to have children, there was a good chance that I would not be able to get pregnant.

Being 239lbs and gaining 65lbs in a year, year and a half, I took a hard look at my life. BUT not right away. 3 months later, doing a photo shoot I saw an image of myself. Cellulite thighs, stomach hanging over my shorts, a face I didn’t recognize. I was covered in pimples, and truly unhappy with my self-image.

I tried multiple things to boost my confidence. Dying my hair dark to create a change didn’t do anything. Buying new clothes didn’t do anything, the shirts just got more and more flowy. I started hating shopping, (something I LOVE doing) nothing fit, wearing leggings all the time so that I didn’t have to focus on the number on the pants. Well that and jeans dug in to my stomach and were super uncomfortable.

Then the thought of babies came into my mind. If I didn’t make a change, I wouldn’t be able to do that. I wouldn’t be able to provide my then boyfriend, now husband with kids. Something I want so badly in my future.

What was so important that it was worth giving that possible future up? Eating whatever I wanted, drinking and going out all the time? Sitting on the couch and never wanting to be active? Shortening my life so that I could have minutes of pleasure?

My perspective definitely shifted. After months of trying, giving up, trying, giving up, I realized that this needed to be a life change and not just a diet. I wouldn’t be one of those people that lost weight, went back to their regular life and stayed at their new slim size. In fact, I am not sure that those people exist. You have to make a change to be healthy and to lose weight. You have to make a conscious decision every day on if the calories are worth it or not. You have to stay active and you have to pass it along to others.

It’s hard, I know. Losing 65lbs was/is work. I had to push myself, say no to temptation, I had to listen to my body and not my stomach. I had to give up always going to happy hour, I had to save restaurants for REAL special occasions. I had to be more organized about the food in my house, created lunches for the week every Sunday, and logged everything that I put in my mouth. It’s hard, it’s annoying, and I feel like I am missing out on a lot by spending that much time in the gym and turning down those happy hours.

But in the end, it really is all worth it.

Going from a size 18/20 to a size 8, feeling more confident about my body every day, challenging myself at the gym and conquering it daily feels great. Knowing that clean eating, and being active gives me energy, and I want to do more, I am more motivated, and I am focused.

I need to remember all of those things when I want to give up or when I want to say, oh I can restart tomorrow. I need to remember that it’s not always worth the calories. My husband, my future family, my future self, they are all worth it!

Good luck on your journey and don’t forget why you started and compare how you felt then to how you feel now.


We All Have Set Backs.

I am so mad at myself…. I let myself have excuses. I had my wedding, my honeymoon, the happiness after the honeymoon, more celebrating, more happiness. Then my first day back I hit it too hard at the gym, injured my bicep and tricep. Out for two weeks and no weights for 6 weeks. And that friends is how 14lbs weight gain happens in 6 weeks. I didn’t once question my eating habits, my lack of exercise, the delicious fatty, sugary food that I was consuming. I straight up fell face first off the wagon. I don’t regret letting lose during the wedding and honeymoon. I loved every second of it. What I regret is not jumping back in to clean eating, slowly getting back in to weights, remembering where I started and knowing I can’t get back there. I regret seeing my 180lbs on the scale and not doing anything about it. Now… this morning I weighed in at 189. IN THE MORNING!!!

So now I am back at it, pushing myself hard, but not too hard, at the gym. Clean eating, lots of water, no alcohol, and back to a healthy lifestyle. We all have our fallbacks, and we all have times when it doesn’t work to be as dedicated as we always are. However, I learned how quickly you can go back to that feeling of pudgy, and bloated. How easy it is to say just one more, and how much this really is an addiction.

I am excited to start this journey over again. Not as heavy (thankfully) as I was before, but to have a new goal and to kill it. 25lbs is my new and final goal which would bring me to 159. I can do this!

Weight Loss After Marriage

It’s official, I am a married woman! Being back now for almost a week and a half and it has been hard to get back in to the swing of things. It was a blissful three weeks of friends, family, and a full week with nothing to do but be with my new husband in Jamaica. To say that I threw my healthy lifestyle out the window is an understatement. I threw it out the window and lit it on fire. Lol Drinking all day, snacks, bad food and nothing to do but lie around on the beach. I gained 5lbs.

But it was totally worth it.

Now back to real live. Blissfully fat and happy real life. Minus the fat part.

I never realized how hard it would be to get back to a life that was my one and only focus for a while. Getting up in the morning is the pits. Eating a very strict diet sucks. But I also feel like crap from the three weeks of eating poorly and drinking. I know that after a week of pushing myself I will feel better. I know the first week is the hardest and it is also hard changing from a lifestyle of needing to lose 10lbs a week to losing maybe 5 a week and more maintaining throughout the month.

So how am I going to get back to it? Back to my roots: Good old hard work, no excuses and holding myself accountable for everything I consume. As happy as I am, and as much as I want to be in marital bliss, I can’t go back to being unhealthy. I can’t go back to the feeling of being fat.

I spent some time today on and found a lot of really great food ideas to curb my cravings. I am excited about all my new peanut butter options and turkey bacon recipes. I LOVE both. I also got a lot of really great tips on sweet recipes, as that is all I am craving lately. I recommend you guys check out the site. I know that reading Kelly’s blog and following her Instagram was one of my biggest motivators when I started losing weight. We were pretty much the same size in the beginning and look how far she has come!

I am actively back on Instagram getting motivated by other people who have made it to where I ultimately want to be. Fit, strong, thin and healthy.

Here’s to being married and a goal to be 25lbs lighter!